He kept the guitar a side and started walking towards me. He came too close that i was able to inhale his scent and started feeling nervous.
His shirt buttons on the top were not closed and a good amount of skin is visible. I gulped and started moving backwards and was soon trapped between him and the wall. He placed his hands on either side of my head completely trapping me.
He raised his eyebrow promoting me to tell him why I entered his room. May be my feelings for him are taking a dangerous turn as I understood him without him even speaking a word.
"Umm, I baked cupcakes for you. I came here to give you these", I said pointing the cupcake box that I have kept on the table.
He gave a little smile which when not looked closer would be missed. But suddenly it vanished as if he thought something that was bothering him
"You baked these for every one?", he asked looking at me for an answer and I replied with a yes. His face dropped and his disappointed answer came out as "oh, okay".
I did not like the disappointed mood and immediately started clarifying "I baked your friends plain cupcakes with simple recipe. I took extra care while baking these cupcakes for you. I added less sugar and decorated the cupcakes with your favorite nuts", I explained him.
"Hmm so why did you plan to bring these?", he asked me. "You took me out for pizza so I wanted to repay", I replied taking a deep breath and fisting my dress and he was coming even closer.
Oh my god, what is he doing coming this close? Does he want to give me a heart attack?
But I like the way he is looking at me and I feel comfortable with him as I know he would not cross the limits without my consent.
He raised his hand and slowly tucked my hair behind my ear that was falling on my face.
As he was about to say something my friends started calling me downstairs. I looked into his eyes and he was already looking back at me more intently. "Do you want to come down with me?", I asked him. He nodded his head and told me that he would join after some time.
I went downstairs and we all started playing games. We played truth or dare, ludo and hung out with everyone. I really had so much fun but Akshath was missing among the group.
"Sanjana, can you go upstairs and call Akshath for lunch?", asked Pranay. "Yeah sure",I replied and started heading upstairs. As I was about to knock, he suddenly opened the door and came face to face with me. "Oh, I was about to call you out. Can we go downstairs as everyone are waiting for lunch?", I asked him and he nodded.
We had our lunch talking to each other, gossiping, laughing and discussing all the nonsensical stuff. We decided to watch Harry potter series and gathered a make shift bed blankets , pillows and made it look like a movie night set up. We decided that we would return to dorm by 9 Pm.
Soon every one started to fall asleep and it was only me, Jay, Paranay and Akshath still awake. It was 8 Pm and suddenly it started raining heavily. "Looks like there would be a rain storm", said Pranay looking out examining the weather.
Jay started moving towards Akshath may be to console him as he do not have a good history with rain.
"Jay am alright. You go and rest as you have been working on an app for the past few days", Akshath told Jay.
Jay and Pranay took sleeping Karthik along with them so the girls can sleep comfortably.
Author's POV:
Akshath went to kitchen and started making coffee for himself and Sanjana.
They both headed towards the balcony and sat there. Sanjana was little doubtful if Akshath was able to handle the rain or not.
He said that he was perfectly fine and was following her formula where she told him to imagine rain as something else.
Sanjana started talking about her school life and Akshath was listening to her. Suddenly a thought crossed Sanjana's mind.
"Akshath did you have a girlfriend?", came sanjana's voice before she could even stop herself from asking this sudden question. "No, not even one", he replied. "Why?", sanjana asked pushing the question further. "Because they have to match certain level of qualities on my list", replied Akshath looking for the rain.
"If you don't mind, can you tell me what these qualities are?", asked Sanjana.
"She has to be intelligent and smart enough to grasp the situation. She has to match my pace in everything as I cannot go slow for her. She has to have a set of standards and prove herself to me. She should be a good match for my family and business standards.", he replied feeling proud as he knows what he wants.
Sanjana frowned not liking his answer. "Akshath, but there is nothing much related to your real feelings in the list that you have stated. There is no campatability, understanding, liking and most importantly love", Sanjana replied feeling something different in the pit of her stomach.
"Love is nothing but a myth. It is only good for a certain period of time. It just binds you in shackles and makes you feel helpless. The expectations and hope sucks the light leaving you naked and blind in the darkness. The concept of love is an utter bullshit", said Akshath not liking the topic of conversation.
"And why do you think that way? Did you ever experience true love?", asked Sanjana.
Akshath was unable to answer as he did not know the answer himself. He did not know if his parents ever loved him. He did not know if his grandfather simply pitied and took his responsibility or did he really love him? He doesn't know if he was ever loved by his own family.
Sanjana understood his hesitation in answering the question. She doesn't want to push him further but wanted to explain what love actually is as he doesn't seem to know the meaning of it.
"Akshath this is not a business deal where you get to approve certain qualities in a girl and get them stamped off. It is much more than that", Sanjana replied looking at him.
"And what is that much more?", asked Akshath sarcastically. "Love is a combination of emotions where you feel angry, sad, happy, flirtatious, safety, comfort etc. And you will not hesitate to express all these feelings infront of that one particular person.
Love gives you strength to share your vulnerability so that you can avoid bottling up your emotions. For example even if you feel that you are strong enough and think you can cope with your weakness by yourself, it reminds you that you do not always have to be strong. You can depend on that person to share your vulnerable self where they listen to you and share your pain. So in the same way you allow yourself to cry the tears of joy sharing the bright moments of your life where they equally feel happy for you." Said Sanjana.
"Love blankets you and protects you from all other external forces if you are strong enough to trust and devote yourself to that one person. Every one has their own definition of love Akshath. For some members it maybe sacrifice, for some others it can be strength, for others it could be putting some one before you, for some more it is the feeling that drives you in a good path, the sense of freedom etc. So unless you have your own definition of love you cannot give up", said Sanjana satisfied. Akshath snorted and said
"it is not possible because life doesn't always revolve around love Sanjana. Life is practical not a fairly tale drama. Love is only good for a certain period of time. After that, it just tears you apart leaving you with nothing ness", replied Akshath feeling irritated.
"Why do you think so? My parents have been together for more than 20 years now and they are still in love. For them life revolves around love",Sanjana said defending herself not backing off from her belief.
"Do you think its all good on the outside? What about all the arguments that they go through in front of you? As i said, Love only remains good only for a certain time period. Accept that and move on", said Akshath.
"Akshath, every one has their own fair share of arguments but that doesn't mean you will forget how to navigate through the challenges that life throws at you right? The one that you are talking about where love is good only for a certain amount of time wait a second I will be back",said Sanjana leaving the balcony and entered the kitchen.
She came back with 2 bananas in her hand. She peeled one banana and kept it on the table and placed another unpeeled banana beside it.
"Look at this the peeled banana. Now think of it as love for example. Love in its true naked form. As you said that love feels good only for certain amount of time. Now look at the peeled banana, it will be good only for some certain time before it gets rotten soon. That's where you call that love is good only for a certain amount of time. Now look at the other unpeeled banana. The outer peel is protecting the love", said Sanjana taking the unpeeled banana in her hands.
"Love alone cannot guide you or help you in any relationship Akshath. There are a lot of things that matter as well. But there are 5 most important things for me that protects your love from getting rotten", explaining this she started to peel another banana.
"First one is respect", saying this she peeled one strand of banana. "Second one is loyalty, third one is honesty, fourth one is trust and fifth one is safety or in other words comfortable", finished Sanjana as she opened the banana peel in 5 strands.
"These act as the main cover that protect the soft core called love that is inside. If these are broken one by one then love itself becomes vulnerable and gradually start to loose its essence", Sanjana explained softly looking at him.
"If you do not respect your partner and make fun of them, they will feel inferior to you.
If you are not loyal and give the person any sense of security and commitment, it makes your partner feel that they are not good enough and develop insecurities.
If you are not honest in your relationship, it makes your partner feel doubtful making them restless.
If you are not trust worthy then the relationship feels like a burden and stresses you out eating you alive.
If you do not feel safe and comfortable with the person I think it's better to break it off as it will impact your well-being and throws you into a whole lot of negativity like the darkness you talk about.
These are all the things that love isn't supposed to do to you. It is not supposed to break you but hold your broken pieces together. So even if you leave the unpeeled banana as it is, it will get spoiled overtime unless you eat it, said Sanjana further continuing...
"Which means if you want more love or say bananas you have to plant a tree and make sure its deeply rooted to enjoy the fruits of it and taking Care of the plant by giving sunlight and minerals just like you putting efforts for the person you love, gifting, flirting with your partner, small touches, making you partner feel butterflies with your small gestures are cherry on top that makes the relationship more lively, happy, real and will make you feel surreal. Thus making a healthy banana tree 🤗", finished Sanjana taking a deep breath.
Akshath was astonished by her depth of understanding about what love actually is at such a young age. He understood that she is not someone who waits for her Prince charming and doesn't actually believe in those fairy tales. She is someone who is connected to the utmost ground reality of what love actually is and what it leads to. She also knows how a person shouldn't be treated in the name of love exploiting and forgetting themselves in this ocean of emotion. she explained everything so beautifully with the help of a simple banana.
Never in his life had Akshath thought that a banana can make him understand what love is. He would not look at the banana as a mere fruit from now on.
"How do you recognize if you fall for a person?", asked Akshath.
"Again there is nothing fixed about this. Every one has their own versions you know", she said shrugging .
"What is your version then?", asked Akshath. "Don't know much but may be there could be one of these like that person is always on your mind, your heart beat would raise but at the same time gives you a sense of peacefulness. It leaves you with a different glow, that person becomes your priority. You feel jealousy, possessive when someone tries something with them. It makes you feel safe and you want to spend a lot of time together. That person gives you a sense of comfort, support, calms you down and makes you a better person may be", said Sanjana looking at the water droplets falling from sky.
Looking at Sanjana, an unknown feeling strried inside Akshath. He understood the true meaning of love because of her if not he would have been in a biggest misconception for the rest of his life.
He also came to an understanding that his parents were never there to love him, but he also knows that he himself did not put any efforts to correct their relationship making him feel guilty for now.
When starting to rethink all the points she said about how to recognize if you are in love, he felt more relatable symptoms. His heartbeat raise when he sees her along with a sense of calmness and peaceful ness. He feelt jealous when Rahul , Ankit or any other seniors approach her. He is possessive about her and the perfect example is him destroying Ankit. She made him feel safe even during their first meet and never tried to make him feel uncomfortable. She looks at him and understand him much on a deeper level even when he doesn't speak much. Her presence itself brings him comfort. Her smile, her voice, everything about her is so much more than just looks.
She is not just an outer beauty for him anymore. She is the girl with a golden heart possessing his heart right now.
Is it Or is it not?
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Hello my lovelies, hope you like this chapter. I know its a little boring but its high time to make Akshath realize what he is missing out on😉
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