"Let's leave them alone", said Jay and took Pranay and Karthik along with him.
"You know I can beg you every single day if it means you would forgive me?", I asked Sanjana with a hope in my eyes.
"As I said I want time Akshath", I immediately frowned. I did not like her calling me Akshath as she always use Aksh or Akshu or Arjun to address me.
"Call me Aksh or Ak...", as I was speaking, her voice immediately stopped me. "Don't cut me off. I want time and I did not know how many days or months it would take for me to heal", she completed.
"You will take me back after this space thing right?", she stayed silent and my heart dropped.
"I will, but not now. Not until you realize my importance and not until I give time for myself. I need a break", she said breaking my heart all over again.
"Okay", I whispered lowly.
"Go away from here if you want me to forgive you and don't disturb my studies", she warned and I immediately offered, " I can help you with studies maintaining my distance, you know?"
"I am topper for gods sake, remember?", she threw the same words at my face that I used on the day of our break up to insult her.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I will leave. Please take care of yourself and don't cry anymore. I am sorry baby. I know my sorry wouldn't hold any importance to you as I hurt you deeply but please try to accept my apology if possible?", I requested her and she nodded and went back in the direction of her dorm. I stayed there until her figure disappeared and started my journey to my apartment.
"You could have told her the truth. She would have forgave you easily", said Jay as soon as I entered the living room.
"Yeah, but I don't want to use her kindness and make her feel guilty about forgiving me. As she said I would give her time and space", I explained what I thought was right.
"Do you know what this means? It's considered as a break in your relationship and she can see other boys as well", Jay said causally making my heart thump.
"WHAT?? But she said she would take me back!!", I shouted as I was horrified with the thought of her being with someone else.
"Ohh, then I guess she would not see any one??", he smirked.
"Thanks for planting a doubt in my head asshole", I made my way into the room and I heard Jay saying "whipped" in the background.
I bathed and changed my clothes and started working on few files.
And soon the day was done with me looking at Sanjana's pictures in my mobile phone and going through all our past messages. Fuck!! I fucked up and really do miss her!!
(Sunday)
I don't think I ever had such an unproductive day in my life. Since I woke up, I have been thinking of Sanjana. This time and space thing fucked my brain out.
I was thinking all the fucking useless shit like for example, I connected the time and space thing to physics and started thinking about physics and now am thinking about inter galaxies and aliens. What the fuck happened to me and my brain? Why the fuck am I thinking weird shit?
I fucking became a cheapskate!! I thought I wouldn't do any of the cheesy shit in my fucking life that I did in the last few days like begging a girl, drowning myself in alcohol, getting drenched in rain, waiting for a girl infront of her dorms for two fucking days, getting down on my knees, giving time and space and last but not least bribing her best friend to send pictures of my fucking girlfriend.
Yes, that's right!! I fucking lost it!! For the past one hour, I have been requesting Piggy to send Sanjana's pictures to me, bribing her that I would purchase a whole damn mall for her and told her that I would write all her assignments even though both of us know that she had to write both mine and her's assignments on her own.
At last, after my constant nagging, Piggy pitied me and she sent few pictures of Sanjana studying with all the books scattered across her bed and with reading glasses on her nose.
"Fuck!! She looks like a beautiful mess and if I masturbate looking at her pic.....", shit!! bloody stop it Aksh, don't became a fucking pervert!! My brain signalled me and I immediately stopped.
I reminded myself once again about this time and space concept and even fucking googled it.
The whole day I spent seeing her pictures and playing my guitar and and and...that's fucking it!! I fucking didn't do anything for 24 fucking hours!! Shit!! I am gradually loosing it!!
(Monday)
I cannot pick Sanjana from her dorm like I usually do so I left to college directly and went to my class.
Tara and Sam came and sat beside me demanding an explanation of why was I begging Sanjana in first place when I was the one who broke up with her.
I decided, I would not tell them the truth until unless I explain everything to Sanjana. So I just told them that I was being a dick and now my dick's got a brain and realized that Sanjana wouldn't betray me. They gave me weird looks and went away.
The classes were torturous!! I thought and thought and thought about Sanjana. And by the time it was lunch, I was already rushing to the cafeteria to see her.
After settling ourselves on our usual table, I saw all the girls sitting few tables away from us making me frown. Fucking distance!!
Pranay was confused and he said that he would go and ask them why they were sitting at a different table as he and Karthik were still Clueless about the entire situation.
I stopped Pranay and made a call to him. "Have you fucking lost it Aksh? Why the fuck are you calling me when I am standing right beside you?", he looked at me bewildered.
I answered my own call from his mobile phone and placed his mobile in his shirt pocket. "Now go to them, I want to hear her voice and don't you dare cut the call", I warned and he just left scratching his head.
I immediately put my air pods and started listening to their conversation keenly. I didn't think that I would fucking turn sneaky as well. Fuck, god!! What have you turned me into??
"What are you doing here brainless bimbo", I heard Tara's voice. "Why are you hell bent on proving me brainless when you are the brainless seed sitting here", Pranay replied.
"Okay, guys stop. What are you doing here Pranay", Sam's voice reached my ears.
"Why are you guys sitting here? We have our regular table there. Why are you not joining us?", he questioned.
"It's because Sanjana and Akshath are on break and she want space and time away from him", replied Piggy.
"But what the fuck did we do? Why did you separate us just because that idiot fucked up?", shit this idiot is putting my prestige at stake infront of my girl!!
"You are his friend so you will also suffer too!! Now stop asking brainless questions and fuck off to your table", Said Tara.
"No, I will bring my lunch here and sit along with you guys", Pranay started returning to our table and that's when I heard my girl's voice.
"No Pranay, please don't. If you come here Karthik and Jay would also join and Aksh has a eat alone and I don't want that!!", I smiled as she still cares for me and my feelings. She doesn't want me to eat alone!! Fuck, how did I get so lucky??
"Fine, please sort this out as early as possible as this is not fair for us. Just because a couple decided to take a break, why does friends has to suffer in between and choose a side? That's really childish", he exhaled and returned back to our table.
"I am fucking proud of you. I would even kiss you!!", Karthik said to Pranay making me smile a bit.
Even I was fucking proud of him as those were the most sensible words that I ever heard from Pranay.
After classes, I returned back to the apartment and was done for the day.
(Tuesday)
I was trying all the distraction techniques that I could to not think about Sanjana.
I worked out, I did boxing, I started cooking new recipe's, I started cleaning the house and I fucking started writing diary.
Google said, if we write our feelings on a paper you would feel better but I am actually feeling like shit and a lot more worse than before. Bloody hell!!Google fucked me up!!
She never glanced at me today in the college. Not even once!! I was afraid that she would eventually forget me, I don't even know what would I do if she is not in my life.
(Wednesday)
Some junior guy approached Sanjana in the cafeteria today and asked her number and she smiled at him and gave him her email address but not her mobile number.
I was slightly relieved. I am not even in a stage to throw tantrums at her.
She glanced at me once today!!
(Thursday)
She is studying a lot these days. Jay has been teaching her in the library every now and then.
I never ever felt jealous of my own friends when they are close to Sanjana. But now I think I am developing violent syndrome or some tendencies of a psycho because currently, I want to throw Jay out of that seat and sit beside her and have a really good chat with her.
Shit!! I have to consult a therapist urgently!!
She did not glance at me again!!
(Friday)
"Have you become a creep?", Pranay asked looking at me.
I raised an eyebrow in question.
"You have been looking at her for last 40 minutes and haven't even touched your food", Paranay completed and true to his words, I did not touch my food since we sat in the cafeteria.
"Here, you can eat it", I gave it to Pranay and he immediately started eating it.
I fucking lost my appetite few days ago!! I want Sanjana damn it!!
For a change, I did not glance at her again because I can't control myself anymore. If I look at her one more time I think I am gonna cry and the last time I cried was when my parents left me alone during the rain.
(Saturday)
It would have been great if we had a college today. But no, I don't fucking have any means to look at her.
I immersed myself in my work as I have been neglecting every thing since I came back to India.
It was already 7 in the evening by the time I was done. I was leisurely scrolling through my social media account and suddenly I choked on my own saliva.
Tara posted a story that they were going to a night club and its a girl's night out??
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